Being in a relationship with someone you care about can be a wonderful experience. Holding hands, attending events together, talking about new and interesting topics. When you are in a healthy, loving relationship, it is a fun experience.
However, there are many relationships that are unhealthy. Typically, in these relationships, you feel like you are being held hostage by the person you are dating.
One type of unhealthy relationship is when you are dating a needy person. This is the type of relationship that can make you feel smothered, and can lead to jealousy, along with physical and mental harm.
If you want to avoid being in a relationship with a needy person, you must be able to spot the behavior before it’s too late.
Read on to learn how to tell if you are dating someone too needy quickly and easily.
You might be wondering- what does needy mean in a relationship? How would you be able to determine if someone you are dating is needy?
Put simply, a needy person is someone who has a higher than normal need for emotional and physical attention. They may have difficulty with separation and may experience high levels of anxiety when they are not physically or emotionally attached to someone else.
We are all needy when we are born. As babies, we require constant attention to be fed, get our diapers changed, and be held or hugged so we have a close physical bond with our caregivers.
As we age, however, we are socialized by our parents to slowly detach and become more independent. This is considered the normal process of growing into adulthood.
Adults that still display high levels of needy behavior are often people who did not receive enough love, care, affection, and attention in their childhoods.
Typically, emotionally needy people are people that may have grown up in situations where they were made to feel ashamed for needing attention by a parent at an early age. Or, their parents did not provide a steady, stable relationship, meaning they would come into the child’s life and then leave periodically. These people grow up to become adults who believe that the people they get close to will eventually leave them.
Unfortunately, until a needy person gets therapy or counseling, they may never be able to have a healthy, functioning, long-lasting relationship.
Dealing with needy people takes a lot of time and energy because they deeply desire the attention and affection that they may not have gotten in their childhood.
In the beginning, you may appreciate that they want to spend time with you and want your attention. However, after a while, you will realize that the amount of attention they need is way more than you can give.
Here are 5 signs that are dating a needy person:
Let’s talk about these signs in more detail.
It feels nice to be in a relationship with someone who calls and texts you occasionally to let you know how their day is going and say hello. But when the person you are dating texts you 20 or 30 times a day, and are constantly calling you, this is when it starts to become annoying.
In a healthy relationship, the person you are dating should have a life that involves goals and ambitions. They should be using their time to focus on their goals, which should cause them to not have a lot of time to constantly call and text you.
Of course, it’s important to make sure you are with a person that has a healthy level of communication, but too much communication can be destructive.
Often, when you ask a needy person what they want to do or what they think, they will tend to say, “whatever you want to do” or “well, what do you think?”. They usually don’t tell you what they want to do or what they think, because they want to seem agreeable. So, they usually try to let you make all the decisions or they hold back on giving their thoughts or opinions out of fear that you will disagree.
It’s okay to date someone who agrees with you sometimes, but when they never have any original ideas it can get boring. You don’t want to be in a relationship where you always have to make the decisions.
Healthy relationships have a balance. Meaning, sometimes you make decisions and sometimes the other person makes decisions or gives ideas.
It’s good to have someone that is not afraid to express their thoughts and beliefs with you. This is how you both can determine if you are a good fit for one another.
Part of dating is learning about the person you are with and enjoying each other’s company. Dating does not mean that you necessarily want a long-term relationship or commitment. The dating process in a way, helps you determine if you want to have a long-term commitment or just a friendship.
When you are dating someone and after only a few dates they want you to stop seeing others and exclusively commit to them, this may be a red flag. You have the right to date more than one person at one time and determine if or when you want to become exclusive. Someone who wants you to be exclusive too quickly is a sign that they need attachment.
Long-term commitment is fine if that is your desire, but give yourself time to get to know the person you are dating for a few months before you make a decision. Even some companies don’t fully hire an employee until after a 90-day assessment. Why should you be any different when it comes to your dating practices?
Part of the behavior of a needy person is always wanting to be with you at all times. So, when it comes to friendships, the needy person is willing to sacrifice time with their friends to be with you more. The problem is, they often also encourage you to break plans or change plans with your friends.
After a while, you may notice that they get agitated when you want to go out with your friends or want to break apart from them. This sort of behavior can often lead to accusations such as cheating or not loving them as much as you do your friends. This behavior is a clear sign of a needy person.
In a healthy relationship, both you and your partner should have time apart; a time that you both can hang out with friends or family. The saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true. When you give yourself time apart from your partner, it makes you both appreciate the time you spend together even more.
Often because of the dysfunctional attachment issues they had as children, needy people tend to be insecure. Typically, they require constant reassurance that you will not leave them and that you love them.
Receiving love and affection from the person you are dating is great, but a healthy person gives themself love and affection. A healthy person understands that self-love is the first form of true commitment and deep satisfaction.
When you are in a situation where you have to constantly validate another person because of their insecurities, you will eventually get tired and may even begin to resent their behavior.
In a healthy relationship, both people have enough confidence and self-esteem to know that they are worthy of love. They are secure enough in their worthiness to not need constant attention and reassurance from the person they are dating.
Dating someone too needy can be a draining and toxic experience because it takes so much of your time and energy. Most needy people have deep insecurity and crave the attention, affection, and love that they did not receive in their childhood. As an adult, they are often attracted to people that are willing to give a lot of time and energy to them and their lives.
Understanding the signs discussed in this article will help you determine if you are dating a needy person and will help you avoid a difficult relationship going forward.
If you are in a place where you feel like you are a needy person or you keep attracting needy people and want to stop, then let’s chat.
Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love