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How to Deal With Drama Queens (and Kings) – What They Are and Signs to Look Out For

By Tiffiny J. Fambro | Relationships

Aug 25
how-to-deal-with-drama-queens

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Imagine the perfect day. You wake up, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, you are getting work done, being productive, and life just seems full of peace and joy.

Then you get a phone call. It’s your “friend.” You know, the one whose life always seems to be a disaster. She calls you to tell you about some dramatic situation she is going through and how her life is falling apart. Nothing ever goes her way.

She also manages to throw in a little bit of gossip about her family, friends, and/or coworkers. By the time you hang up the phone, you feel terrible.

Suddenly, your day does not seem as joyful. The chirping birds are getting on your nerves and you are now behind on your work.

If any of this sounds familiar, it’s because you just got zapped by the negative and toxic energy of a drama queen.

Wondering how to deal with drama queens? You’ve come to the right place.

In this article, you will learn:

What Is a Drama Queen?
Signs of a Drama Queen
How to Deal With a Drama Queen

Read on and learn not only how you can go about dealing with drama queens, but also the signs you should look out for when trying to identify if someone possesses the characteristics of a drama queen.

What Is a Drama Queen?

Drama queens (and kings) are the people that are constantly involved in some type of chaotic situation or life experience. They are always dealing with a serious issue, life event, or crisis. 

Even if the circumstance is not about them specifically, they will find a way to insert themselves into the issue. This results in the person having a negative emotional response in which they feel is deeply affecting their lives.

Usually, the drama is not just in one aspect of their lives, it’s in every aspect of their lives.  They will have dramatic experiences in their romantic relationships and with their family and at their job and with their neighbors and basically with anyone that they encounter.

Signs of a Drama Queen

woman being dramatic in sunglasses

Gossip

They will usually start a conversation with innocent chatter then slowly navigate their language to a person or group. Often, they will then ask you your opinion or thoughts in order to pull you into the gossip. This is a tactic they use so that they don’t feel as if they are the only ones that have an “opinion” about the situation.

Constant Crisis

Situations that most people think are small or not a big deal are a very big event for a drama queen. For example, if they get a flat tire, or have an issue at work, it becomes the theme that sets the tone for their entire day.

They will allow the negative moment to turn into a negative day, which in turn will translate to them believing their life is full of negative experiences.

This is similar to also the “glass is half-empty” belief. In other words, they believe that life is mostly difficult and full of bad versus that life is joyful with a lot of good.

Enemy Creation

This is similar to a victim mentality or believing that no matter what happens, they are the victim. Even if they caused the issue or problem. They seem to think that it’s everyone else that has the problem and that they are met with endless challenging people that are out to “get them”.

This also leads the drama queen/king to be constantly defensive, as they believe that they must constantly defend themselves against everyone else.

Constant Drama

Many times, dramatic people are always attracting dramatic experiences into their lives because of their own behavior. So, as a result, they are always “going through something”. Meaning, whenever you speak to them, they will always describe some unusual event that is happening in their lives and these events occur often. Situations such as a break-up, losing a job, moving, losing a friend, unplanned pregnancy, divorce, accidents, sickness, etc.

Unfortunately for a dramatic person, the constant changes in their lives can cause a lot of mental, physical, and/or financial hardships.

Constant Attention

These types of people need constant attention and part of the “reward” for their drama-filled lives is the attention they receive. This is something that is discussed in the book by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq, 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities.

When a person has an extreme personality not only do they need constant attention, they will go to great lengths to get it.

How to Deal With a Drama Queen

how-to-deal-with-a-drama-queen

The worst thing about dealing with a drama queen or king is that you have to deal with their up and down behavior.  One minute they’re angry, then they’re sorry, then they’re paranoid, then they’re the victim then they blame you or others.

You will spend so much time trying to contain and fix their chaos. This will completely drain your energy, waste your time and make you feel terrible.

Here’s how to deal with a drama queen:

  1. Don’t engage in gossip
  2. Create firm boundaries 
  3. Stick to the facts
  4. Cut them off

Let’s cover these in more detail.

1. Don’t Engage in Gossip

When they call you to gossip, be willing to keep the call short and let them know you have something to do. 

Don’t agree or disagree with their statement just listen with no judgment. Also, be willing to change the subject to gently nudge the conversation in a different direction.

2. Create Firm Boundaries

Be willing to say no to drama queens if you don’t want to participate or do something that they want to do. 

Also, keep your distance. Just because they are trying to pull you into their lives does not mean you have to go. 

Be willing to decline offers or gifts as this is another tactic they use to pull you into their lives.

3. Stick To the Facts 

When they are trying to bend the truth be willing to steer them back to what “actually” happened or the numbers or statistics or data that shows the truth. Do not get into a bickering match- allow them to speak then calmly give your side with facts.

4. Cut Them Off 

If it is a person that you care about, explain to them that their behavior is making your life stressful and that you would rather end the relationship. You could suggest counseling or therapy if you feel they would be open to listening to the suggestion.

In the book 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities, the author explains that if you are dealing with a high conflict personality do not confront them directly. 

In these circumstances, you may need to involve the authorities or an attorney.

Conclusion

Dealing with people that have dramatic personalities can be very stressful and draining. It is important to protect your peace of mind by not allowing yourself to get close to or involved in the life of a drama queen or king.

Many times these types of people may have a personality disorder or have had previous traumatic experiences. 

Remember to look for the signs before you allow them into your life and understand how to deal with them without cause harm or danger to yourself. 

Understanding how to deal with dramatic personalities is essential to you creating a confident, healthy happy lifestyle.

About the Author

Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love

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