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Coming together in a union with a healthy partner can be a beautiful experience. However, if you end up in a difficult or abusive marriage, that union can be depressing, anxiety-inducing, or even dangerous.
This is where many people start thinking about leaving their marriage to have a better life. Leaving a marriage can be a difficult and emotional process, so it’s important to understand how to leave safely.
If you have thought through the above list and know that divorce is the best decision, then it’s important to make sure you are leaving your marriage safely.
Getting a professional who focuses on supporting women through divorce, abuse, or trauma will help you as you are transitioning. Therapy can give you time to reflect, understand how you got to this point, and help you work through any childhood trauma that may have affected you in adulthood.
A coach can help you think through the steps you need to get a divorce, what life may look like after divorce, and the goals you want to set for yourself as you transition.
Having a professional to work with you will help you get mentally and emotionally prepared. They can also be a safe space to express your feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and what you truly want in life.
Emotionally detachment means that you intentionally do not allow yourself to connect to your spouse on an emotional level. This may look like not sharing your feelings, not showing empathy, being able to respond to the person calmly without having an intense reaction, allowing your spouse to experience consequences of their actions without trying to sooth them, etc.
A big part of emotional detachment is giving yourself alone time to focus on what you want, your desires, your beliefs, self-care, and using the energy that you previously gave to your spouse to yourself. The benefit of emotionally detaching is that you no longer allow the negative behavior of that person to affect you on a deep level. You become more capable of not caring what they think or say and you focus your time and energy on doing what brings you joy.
Before you tell your spouse you want a divorce, you need to take a look at your finances and assets. Do you have the money needed to leave and take care of yourself after a divorce? What is your budget? What amount of money would you need to live off of as a single women? Do you and your spouse have shared debt?
It is important to understand your finances before you even tell your spouse so that you can be prepared in the event that he freezes you out of any shared assets. You also want to make sure you get a separate bank account to start saving money for the move, the divorce, and rebuilding your life. If possible, pay down as much personal debt as you can before you get a divorce.
When considering divorce, it is important to consult a divorce attorney. Some attorneys charge fees and some don’t for a consultation. You could search online for “free divorce attorney consultation” and see what pops up in your state. Many times the state court system will have attorneys on staff that you can talk to free of charge. It’s important to know your rights and the laws of the state when it pertains to divorce.
Get a secret storage unit, preferably in an area that your spouse would not think about going to. The point of the secret storage unit is to slowly start removing items that are personal to you, such as documents that you need during the divorce proceedings, family heirlooms or keepsakes that you had before you met your spouse, etc. It is also important to include copies of important documents like your health insurance cards, passport, bank account information, and an extra set of clothing.
Many times, women think they know how their spouse would react in various situations. You must remember that the person you married may be different than the person you are divorcing. He may have been a fairly calm person, but when you tell him you want a divorce, he could easily go into a rage and destroy items that you care about, or try to hurt you. This is especially true if you are dealing with a domestic violence situation.
The thought of going through a divorce can be a scary and tough experience – especially if you have been married a long time. It’s important to think with your logical mind, weigh the pros and cons, and make smart decisions.
If you want to figure out where to begin – start here:
Don’t let more time pass by, reclaim your life today!
Start your journey today!
Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love
