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Getting a divorce can be described as many things – painful, expensive, annoying, time-consuming, or a relief. One way I have come to describe my divorce is enlightening. Enlightening in the sense that it forced me to wake up, open my eyes to the truth, and learn some important lessons.
These were lessons that help me understand how to eventually pick myself up, move on with my life, and create the life I deserved. These were the lessons that helped me do the inner work to be a better human and help other women on their healing journey.
The first lesson I learned from my divorce was that I was powerful enough to create anything I wanted in my life. When I met my ex, I knew I was in a place where I wanted to be a wife. I envisioned myself married to a handsome, outgoing man, living in a home in a beautiful city, having a great corporate career, and traveling to fun places. Well, guess what? That was exactly what my life was all about. I got everything on my wish list. The funny thing about that wish list, however, was that I was never specific about how I wanted to feel or how I wanted to be treated.
After my divorce when I had a chance to reflect on my life, I realized that if I had the power to create that life, I also had the power to create a new life. Many times, we as women forget that we have the power to birth life, not just in the physical sense, but also in the spiritual sense. We forget that we are the vessels of our spirit and we have power over who we choose to allow into our lives and how we choose to live our lives.
You are a powerful creator. After your divorce, be intentional about what it is you desire to create.
My tumultuous marriage was a reflection of what I thought was good enough for me. For most of my youth, I had low self-esteem, and low confidence, and didn’t believe in my value. This feeling of not being good enough started before I met my ex. When I got divorced, I realized the healing journey was not just about my divorce – it was about my entire life.
After you get divorced, take the time to get help from a certified therapist. What you will find is that the divorce was just the big climax of an underlying theme in your life. That theme could be that you have always dealt with narcissistic behavior from people, that you have always accepted abuse, or that you have always settled for less.
The bottom line is that it didn’t start with your marriage, and the divorce was just the final push you needed to wake up.
It sounds very cliché, but it’s the truth. Nothing and no one has the power to make you happy or bring you joy except you. You have to do the work to figure out how to cultivate a life that makes you feel satisfaction, peace, and a sense of harmony every day.
This was one thing I learned the most after my divorce. I had to learn to do things for myself that made me feel good. Whether that was working on my health, saying kind words to myself, eliminating toxic people or behaviors, or even just being thankful.
Happiness is a fleeting emotion but the feeling of joy can be cultivated through intentional practice every day. Once you create a habitual lifestyle that brings you joy, happiness will be a natural result.
Whenever I talk about compassion and forgiveness, people always assume I’m talking about forgiving the ex. What I found, however, was that many times we struggle to forgive ourselves for whatever occurred in the marriage or relationship.
What I found through my divorce was that the first person I needed to have compassion for and forgive was myself. As I begin to unravel and learn how to have compassion for myself, I slowly begin to have compassion for my ex. I’m not saying that you have to forgive others to move on with your life, but when you do the work on yourself and accept and forgive yourself, you may find that forgiving other people becomes a little easier.
I am worthy and so are you. The biggest lesson that I learned by the end of my marriage and by the time I got divorced was that I am worthy. I am worthy to be loved, cherished, treated with dignity and respect, to be heard, to be in a healthy relationship, and the list goes on.
I never thought I was good enough when I was married and found myself always trying to prove my worth. I was always trying to get validation from the outside world. I didn’t understand that I had to validate myself. I had to accept myself and love myself.
When you learn how to love, value, validate, appreciate, and treat yourself with gentleness and compassion, you will truly understand your worth. When you cultivate this level of love for yourself, you will not allow anyone in your life that gives you less.
These lessons can help you understand what you need to work on before you get into another relationship so you can create a happier life as you move forward. It’s important to give yourself time after your divorce to get clear on where you are, and where you want to go, and create a plan to get there. Use these lessons as the beginning of recreating and rebuilding your life.
Life can teach you different lessons through different experiences. Divorce is just one experience in your life, and it can be used as a catalyst to begin some deep reflection. Learning life lessons from your divorce can help you not make the same mistakes in other areas of your life as well as in future relationships.
P.S…
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Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love
