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It saddens me sometimes when I think about the things I did in my romantic relationships when I was in my 20s. I would meet a guy who seemed nice, we’d go out on a couple of dates, I’d meet some of his friends, and we’d share a few movie nights and cuddle. Then, the drama would start.
I would text him when I didn’t hear from him for a while and beg him to come over or plan our weekend for us. I’d start overthinking and would worry that he had lost interest in me. Instead of voicing my opinion, I’d comply with whatever he wanted. I’d start judging myself thinking that I was not good enough for him, and the cycle would continue.
What I didn’t realize was that I was slowly killing my relationships because I was displaying the traits that repel men. The traits that make men run instead of wanting to be closer to a woman that they care about.
Every human has basic needs and desires. However, in this context, I’m referring to negative, dysfunctional neediness. This is the constant, extreme needing for approval, validation, attention, and dependence on your partner.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your significant other, but it’s important to create interdependence. Interdependence is about being self-aware and acknowledging that you and that person have lives and interests outside of the relationship. In other words, you enjoy being together, but your life does not end or suffer if you are apart.
Indecision causes you to rely on other people to make decisions for you even when you know what you want. Examples of this are if he asks you what you want to eat, and you say “I don’t know”, or if he asks you what movie you want to watch and you say, “I don’t know”. This constant iteration of, “I don’t know” makes you sound childlike and not confident.
The truth is, if this were a life or death situation, you would know what you wanted. So, be an adult woman and make a decision. This shows him that you are a confident woman who knows exactly what she wants and knows how to explain her thoughts to him so that he can deliver.
Men like to give, but to give, they have to know what you want. If you keep him guessing all the time, things are going to get old quickly!
This is when you constantly criticize yourself and tear yourself down in front of him. This screams low self-esteem, and no confident man wants to be with a woman who does not love herself. When you have healthy self-esteem, it shows, and men can pick up on the energy of a confident, happy, self-loving woman.
So, be thankful for yourself, love every inch of your body, be thankful for compliments, and treat yourself like a 1st place prize instead of the consolation token.
These are the traits and behaviors that will keep you single or slowly cripple your relationship. The interesting thing is, they are all connected to confidence. So, if you have self-confidence issues, you must fix them if you wish to have successful relationships in the future.
If you need help boosting your self-confidence, consider looking into my course, The 5 Keys to Magnetizing Confidence.
Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love
