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Why Do I Attract Needy People? (And How to Deal With Them!)

By Tiffiny J. Fambro | Relationships

Feb 24
Needy People

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Have you ever been in a good mood, had a conversation with someone and afterward, felt completely drained of all your joy?

It’s like they just sucked the happiness right out of you by dumping all their emotional and toxic baggage on your mental plate.

These are what I call Needy People. These are the people that are always in need of your help, or need to talk to you about their dramatic life, etc. These people are takers and rarely, if ever, givers. 

People like this are not necessarily intentionally needy, but they are people that are not living up to their fullest potential.



Needy people are the people who have not done the work of creating a vibrant, functional, self-sufficient life. 

However, they are smart enough to know that you are someone that they can ‘depend on’ when they are in need. Some of these people come in the form of friendships, romantic partners as well as family members.

If you are realizing that you have these types of people in your life, you need to understand the reasons why they are drawn to you. 

These reasons are:

  1. As a person,you are a natural giver; you love giving your time and energy to others which means you are going to attract takers.
  2. Also, you feel like you need to fix or rescue people when you see them in negative situations.
  3. You have very low or no boundaries.
woman discussing needy people

Don’t get me wrong- there is nothing wrong with helping people in need.

However, oftentimes issues arise when there is no balance. When your life is inconvenienced, and your priorities are put on the back burner because you are dealing with other people’s issues, there is no balance.

It’s not your job to fix people”

Here’s the thing ladies- it’s not your job to fix people (unless you are a DOCTOR). Every person on earth is on his or her own life path. Every person needs to take responsibility for their lives and circumstances.

They need to learn how to balance their giving and receiving behavior. This way, they are not sucking the life out of other people. Asking for help from others is not a weakness, but consistently depending on it is a hindrance.

Your main job is to protect your energy, life, and your time. You do that by focusing on the type of people that you want in your life; people that have a balance, are self-sufficient, abundant, and are also givers. You must be discerning about who you allow into your life.

You should also be mindful of who you decide who you want to be around.

Dealing With Needy People

Dealing with needy people can be so draining that it takes precise strategies.

Learn the strategies I use in PART 2 of this discussion in my video below where I discuss specific strategies and language you can use to deal with needy people.

It’s good to be kind and giving but don’t allow others to manipulate and drain your time, energy, and joy.

So, whenever you ask yourself the question: “Why do I attract needy people” make sure to keep these things in mind. This way, dealing with needy people can become an easier process!

If you are in a place where you feel like you have a much larger problem and need to get to the root of the issue then take a look at Online Therapy.

This company provides you with various licensed therapist/counselors to help you deal with any mental and emotional health issues you are struggling with.

They can accommodate you at any level and have various levels of payment plans to fit your needs. If you are interested click on my special link to review and receive 20% discount if you sign up: OnlineTherapy

XOXO Tiffiny

About the Author

Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love

Leave a Comment:

(9) comments

Sam July 30, 2021

I’m not sure your definition of “needy” is correct. I’ve seen a lot of relationships where partners are constantly in “need” of each other and complain to each other and share each other’s pain, and these people would consider that a healthy relationship. I guess what I’m saying is that it depends on how into another person you are before you consider them “needy”.

Reply
    Tiffiny J. Fambro July 30, 2021

    Hi Sam – thank you for the reply and for reading the article. The example that you gave is called a “codependent relationship”. You are correct in that example that both of these people feel like they need each other because they share in each other’s pain. For example, two drug addicts that are in a relationship are needy with each other, they share their pain but would refuse to leave each other. However, from a psychological perspective, this is still considered a dysfunctional connection. I agree that anyone that is happy in their relationship should stay with their person, but this article is geared toward people who are not happy in their relationships and want to stop attracting needy people. Thanks again for reading!

    Reply
chy thompson October 28, 2021

OMG!!! I needed this. I was asked the question, “why do I attract needy people” and I didn’t have an answer for it and now I do because this is definitely me. It is true they can be very draining and I too have a lot going on but they just make everything worse and frustrating. Your 5 ways to deal with “needy” is perfect. I typically do step 1 when I get frustrated or feel they are being too nosy. The other 4 I need to work on. But thank you for that video. I made me laugh because you are dead on on how they act and I definitely definitely needed it.

Reply
    Tiffiny J. Fambro October 28, 2021

    Hi – I’m so glad you enjoyed. I write from personal experience so just know you are not alone. It took me time to learn how to protect myself but once I did, my life got wayyyy better! LOL! Thanks for reading and watching 🙂

    Reply
Tay November 7, 2021

So what do you do when you find yourself distancing yourself from those needy people and now your alone, where do you find these people who are balanced that’s not needing to be fixed. So now that I have started distancing myself from these needy people, I find myself depending on my husband more, he’s my only true friend and I wonder if that truly bothers him. He says it doesn’t but I wonder if he is spending to much time with me.

Reply
    Tiffiny J. Fambro November 7, 2021

    Hi Tay – first congratulations on putting yourself first and allowing “needy people” to take care of themselves. The next step is to attract the people that you want to be around. However, the catch is that we attract people that are somewhat a reflection of our own behavior, habits, ideas, values. So in order to find new people you must be willing to make a few changes in your own life. What are your hobbies? What do you like to do for fun? What are some new things that you would like to do? When you start exploring fun interesting things in your own life you will meet people that are on the same wavelength. Do you like yoga, then take a yoga class there are studios that are hosting classes in person and live classes online. Do you like art? Take an art class, you will meet other people that share those interests. Go to a conference to learn about business or money or entertainment or a new industry. Try meetup.com and find a group that shares your interests. My point is that there are so many ways to meet new people but you have to be willing to put yourself out there and make some changes to your identity to attract balanced, respectful, fun, interesting people into your life. I had to do the same thing years ago when I changed my life and I continue to do it now. I hope that helps as I know change can be a challenging process. Good Luck!

    Reply
Les December 26, 2021

Needy people are just one of the many types of human pests that you need to eradicate from your life. Remember, if a human cannot or isn’t willing to provide you sex and/or money, there is no reason for that human to be in your life.

Reply
Goldbberry March 21, 2022

This is gold ~ thank you so much for sharing it. My friends and neighbor have been stressing me out with their lack of agency and constant complaining. Get up and do something, people! And they hardly ever take my advice, so I just don’t feel like talking to them anymore. Avoidance is the best strategy right now; really hoping to make more friends soon who are more positive and strategic in their lives. Right now those fellow “givers” are all just acquaintances or distant acquaintances. Thanks again for your tips.

Reply
    Tiffiny J. Fambro March 26, 2022

    You are so welcome!! Glad you like the post and I agree, I must be around people that working to improve and achieve their goals. Keeping going, you will meet your tribe soon!

    Reply
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