Why Your Relationships Keep Failing (And What to Do About It!)

By Tiffiny J. Fambro | Relationships

Mar 02

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Have you ever wondered why your relationships keep failing? If you have, you’re not alone. In fact, this is something I also used to wonder- until I found an answer.

As a strong, smart, ambitious woman I was always so accustomed to working really hard to get the things I wanted in life. 

When I wanted to get good grades in school, I just studied really hard; when I wanted to get a promotion or bonus in my corporate career, I just put in more hours. I had unknowingly convinced my mind that if I had a problem all I had to do was WORK REALLY HARD and I’d get the positive results that I wanted.

So with this idea, whenever I had a problem in my romantic relationships I would just work really hard.  I would confront the person to discuss the issue, try to brainstorm solutions, figure out what step we needed to take if needed thinking through ways to “support” or worse “fix” the person. (click here to check out the article I did on why you may attract needy people).  I tried to be nicer, more understanding, softer, stronger, whatever it took to resolve and move forward.  I felt like if I was busy “doing” then, of course, we would reach a mutually agreeable solution.

“It was like I was pouring gasoline on a RAGING FIRE, and expecting it to extinguish.”

However, I never seemed to get the same results that I did when I worked hard in my career.  Ultimately, after a lot of trial and error, I started to realize something. I realized that the same type of effort I was putting in my career, i.e. working harder to get positive results, did not quite translate to my romantic relationships.  As a matter of fact, it was having the opposite effect.  It was like I was pouring gasoline on a RAGING FIRE, and expecting it to extinguish.

Sometimes when you are so accustomed to using the “WORK HARDER” method, you don’t know any other way to get positive results. 

The answer I had to learn and the answer that I help a lot of my coaching clients to see is that doing nothing is doing something.  You heard me right! When you have done everything you know to do and nothing is working, it’s time to just stop.

Stop trying to work harder and stop trying to come up with a solution. Also, stop overthinking your next move, and stop trying to “help”.  Try doing this instead:

  • Take a break and go for a walk by yourself.  Give yourself some time to think and reflect.
  • Put some space between you and that person.  Not only do you need to give yourself time to think, but you also need to give that person time to think. Stop trying to get them to talk, text, or confront.  Just leave them alone for a while.
  • Do something that makes you feel good.  Go shopping, watch t.v., listen to music, hang out with friends.  It so hard to find a positive outcome when you feel so negative.  Do something to change your emotional state then revisit the issue later.
  • Focus on how you can improve yourself and take of your personal needs. Often when we do some introspection, we see areas where we need to improve in order to be happier.

Human beings are NOT work or school projects; we are complex creatures with emotions, thoughts, and beliefs.  When we try to treat our relationships like work or school projects we often disappoint ourselves.  By taking the path of least resistance and just allowing things to naturally flow, we find that the answers come. 

XOXO Tiffiny

P.S. Are you going through a tough relationship issue? Know you need to do some introspection to figure out the next steps for yourself and your life? Then let’s chat.

As women’s empowerment coach I help women truly dig deeper to take a look at how transforming their internal world can usher in better relationships. As well as more abundance and overall a more peaceful existence.

We will discuss your challenges, goals and next steps.

Take a look at my calendar to schedule a free call >>>> CLICK HERE

About the Author

Tiffiny has a B.A. in Psychology, and master’s degree in Public Health Education. She worked in consulting for over 16 years, as well as previously owning a fitness and health business. In her personal life, she used personal development, mindset and health strategies to go from being overworked in a demanding corporate career, emotionally drained in a toxic marriage, physically unhealthy, and depressed to becoming an award-winning figure level bodybuilding athlete and entrepreneur. As a women’s empowerment coach, she works to help women get clear on their goals, build confidence, increase self-esteem, take action on their deep desires and create a life they love

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